In a country where divorce means happiness, marriage is 10-15 times
Divorce parties have been going on for ages in this West African country. At this party, women organize bahari food along with a dance and song party. Everyone is happy. The woman who is to be separated dresses herself with henna and new clothes. Although it is a Muslim country, the incidence of divorce is highest here.
In Mauritania, everyone is usually married 4-5 times. Some get married 10-15 times. One of the reasons for the high divorce rate in Mauritania is the matriarchal family. Being a matriarchal family, women here can start a new family by divorcing anyone.
Sociologist Najwa Al Kattab is researching women in Mauritania. He said one of the reasons why divorce is so common here is that the Moors inherited 'matriarchal tendencies' from their predecessors. Women here are more independent than any other Muslim country. Here no one is looked down upon because of divorce but divorced women are considered experienced. So the demand for divorced girls is high in society.
Jilani is sitting with the surrounding women at her divorce party in Wadan. Photo: Laura Bushnak/The New York Times
This henna ceremony was held under the moonlight at night. The henna artist was leaning on the customer's hand and making a henna design on his hand. Sometimes he was looking at the design on his smartphone next to him. And on whose hands the mehndi was being applied - Ijlekh Jilani was sitting on a mat and was very careful not to spoil his mehndi; As he did on his wedding day.
But today is not her wedding day. So what is the reason for this young woman to wear henna? Because he is going to divorce or divorce! And the next day his divorce party!
Jilani's mother shouted three times in her voice and beat the plastic tray, calling out to the neighbors, "Listen all married women, my daughter Izelekhe Jilani is now a divorced woman!" He then tries to ensure that his daughter's divorce is largely consensual. "My daughter is alive and her ex-husband is alive," he continued to say to the neighbors.
Meanwhile, Jilani has no headache at all about divorce. She was smilingly busy with her phone, posting mehndi pictures on Snapchat - and it was through this post that she let everyone know that she was divorced.
Divorce is a nightmare in many other parts of the world, but not in Mauritania. Here, a woman does not cry when she gets divorced, she does not have to hide her face in shame, and she does not have to be humiliated step by step. Instead, the party goes on after the divorce here.
Jilani is dressed up to attend her divorce party. Photo: Laura Bushnak/The New York Times
Divorce is very common in Mauritania. Here the matter is celebrated and everyone is further informed that the woman is now free and can remarry. For centuries, such custom has been passed down in the country; When it comes to divorce parties, women sit together to eat, sing, and dance. However, this party style has changed a bit for the selfie generation. Nowadays they bring cakes to divorce parties and also post pictures of this celebration on social media; There is also traditional food and music.
Divorce is common in Mauritania, which is almost 100% Muslim. Each person here goes through the process of 5 to 10 marriages, some are even said to have married 20 times.
According to some scholars of the country, Mauritania has the highest divorce rate in the world. Although there is no accurate account of this in Mauritania, because most of the time these divorces are verbal, no written documents are available.
Sociologist Najwa Al Kattab is researching women in the society of Ritania. Part of the reason divorce is so common in Mauritania, he says, is that the Moors inherited a strong 'matriarchal tendency' from their Berber predecessors. Nomadic communities used to inform everyone about a woman's marital status through divorce parties. Compared to other Muslim countries, women's freedom is said to be more in Mauritania. They may also choose a different career, which he calls the 'matriarchal career'.
"Young, divorced women are not a problem here," Al Kattab said. Instead, divorced women are seen as more experienced here, so they are in higher demand - "divorce can increase the value of women here", she says.
Meanwhile, Jilani was very carefully fixing her 'melafa' (a long cloth wrapped around the hair and body; usually white color is chosen so that the dark color of henna shows up well in the white). His mother Salka Bilal strode through the home's courtyard and posed for photographs. These images will be used in the campaign poster.
It is worth mentioning that Salka Bilal also got divorced at a very young age. He later became a pharmacist and never remarried. Now she is running to become the first female member of the national legislature in their small town of Wadan. The population of Wadan City is only a few thousand. The inhabitants of this 900-year-old ruined city live in simple stone houses.
Salka Bilal has achieved so much in her professional life because of her divorce. He got married at a very young age, but Bilal's dream was to become a doctor. And when she realized that her husband was addicted to other women, she decided to divorce. Her ex-husband (who is now dead) wanted to take her back, but Bilal wouldn't go. As a result, the man stopped helping her financially and ended up paying only $30 a month to support their five children, Bilal said.
In need of money, Bilal first opened a shop and gradually completed his schooling through his own efforts. Last year, a new hospital opened in Wadan, and Salka Bilal, who is in her sixties, got a job there.
But the story of his daughters is different. Jilani got married very late, at the age of 29. And 28-year-old Zayduba has turned down all marriage proposals and is continuing her studies and doing internships in several places.
Many Mauritanian women feel that divorce gives them a kind of freedom that they did not have before or after marriage, especially in the case of a first marriage. The Mauritanian's openness to divorce - which seems to be a very modern idea - is linked to the traditional practice of first marriage. In the country, parents choose husbands for their daughters and marry them off at a very young age. More than a third of girls are married before the age of 18, leaving them with no say in choosing a life partner.
Lakwailia Raizil, another resident of Wadan, said she was married off as a teenager. Her father arranged the marriage without informing her and later informed her. She divorced her husband shortly after the marriage. He has since married several times in the last two decades.
Reizil said none of her six husbands were taken by her own choice. "I do not place them in the depths of my heart. They come when they want to go, they go."
But even though his opinion was not given priority in the marriage, he was able to obtain a divorce of his own free will. Divorce is legal in Mauritania under certain circumstances. Although technically it has to be done by men and often pressured by women.
In Mauritania, women also have the upper hand in the custody of children after divorce. Although men are legally required to pay child support, the law is rarely followed. As a result, the financial pressure finally falls on women.
If a woman has never considered divorce, and if it does happen, it is easier for Mauritanian women to move on; At least it is easier than in other countries. Sociologist Al Kattab said that society supports these women instead of condemning them. "They make things very easy, so it's easy to forget the past and move forward," he said.
And divorce party is one way to show sympathy to divorced women. Jilani said she divorced her husband because he was very jealous and would not even let her go out at times. She had to wait three months to finalize the divorce. She waited three months to find out if she was pregnant. If a woman is pregnant, she has to wait until she gives birth.
"There are many poems about seducing divorced women," said Alhaj Ud Brahim, professor of cultural anthropology at the University of Nouakchott. And he said that it is exactly opposite to the customs of most countries of the Muslim world. He said, that in many places, social prejudice against divorced women is so high that divorce is considered as death. In Mauritania, the modern uludhvani or the means of informing about divorce is Snapchat.
Jilani's divorce party was attended by her mother and for a long time she was busy taking selfies with everyone and messaging on the phone. Looking at her elder daughter, Salka Bilal says, "She is only interested in marriage and men. At her age, I was interested in politics."
In the meantime, Bilal went outside and talked to some potential voters. "I am going to the youth and asking for votes," he said.
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